When did life become so complicated? Our every move feels open for criticism. Will I sound stupid if I have a different opinion? Will I look incompetent if I don’t have an answer for every question? Do I dare try the free weights at the gym? Am I taking the right vacation? Did my cookies for the bake sale have the right organic ingredients? Did my son wear the right clothes to school today?
We make things so hard
To compensate for the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that come from constant comparison, we overdo. Overeat. Overwork. Over-please. We deny ourselves permission to make mistakes. We engage in passive-aggressive behaviors. We shut down and withdraw. And then we wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
If we notice what we’re doing, we obsess over it. We self-criticize. We blame others. We try – harder. We contemplate – more. We wonder – why. We obsess over how we got here. Frustrated, we check out. We numb ourselves against the pain of falling short – and numb, we feel nothing – no joy – no calm – no laughter – and wonder why we aren’t happy.
We do this to ourselves.
These pressures are most often self-imposed. We want everything now. We race to the finish, find it lacking and race forward again. We compare ourselves to our idealized perceptions of others and against unachievable measures and insatiable appetites.
We take on the assumed expectations of others – drive ourselves to please them, when they haven’t even asked us. We take on extra work, say yes to every request – then resent that we’re doing it all. But didn’t we sign up for it?
Who are you allowing to set the bar?
We live in a bubble of self-sufficiency, never asking for help and assuming we have to filter and show only the “ready for prime time” parts of ourselves. Assuming we won’t be accepted if we show who we are. Assuming we can’t ask for what we really want. We pride ourselves on being social chameleons, able to be all things for all people. But that’s exhausting. Imagine the freedom of showing up as you, without filters.
What would it take for you to give yourself permission?
At stake is our worthiness – but only because we’ve put it on the line. We search for the “right” path, assuming there is only one and feeling desperate to be on it – doing our best to please, perfect and perform, in an effort to feel worthy. Life is exhausting when we put our worthiness on the line in even the most trivial of moments.
The harder you try to prove your worth, the more dangerous it feels to be yourself. And when you hide, the world misses out on your wonderfully human, amazing, authentic self.
Truth is, you were worthy all along.
As humans, we’ll always have things to work on, behaviors to modify, efforts that could have been more fruitful, days when we could have tried harder, but the slips and failures of life don’t make us less worthy.
Worthy is something you are, not something you earn.
Give yourself permission to be you – the real you – the one we’ve all been missing.
Carol Robert has an unfailing faith in humanity. She steadfastly believes we’re all trying to make it through life the best way we know how. As a coach and facilitator, she empowers you – to be you. Her workshops and coaching have helped hundreds find courage, rediscover their sense of worthiness, and find success in their work and more joy in their lives.